Hi Karys,

A few months ago I wrote a piece for your blog on first love. I mentioned that I was having feelings about my relationship ending at the time. It was a tough few months and I thought I would contact you and let you know that in writing that piece was the start of me leaving the man I was with. Which was the best thing I ever did. I didn’t realise at the time but I was being manipulated to stay with him. He controlled my life. I almost lost every friend and family member I had. I closed down. He didn’t want me to see any of them or go anywhere without him. But he was welcome to sneak off in the middle of the night. And when I found out and tried to leave he would threaten to kill himself.

When I wrote that piece for you, he asked me not to submit it. He said I should write something nice about one of the photographs with him in it. Perhaps the one where he is sleeping on the bed.

I tried. I really did. But I couldn’t write about loving him because I didn’t. I was trapped and I couldn’t tell anyone because I was afraid he would kill himself and it would be my fault.

So one morning I woke up and I felt different. I got angry. Why was I wasting my life? He was out surfing and so I packed my car in peace and waited on the end of our bed for him to get home. I told him I was leaving and he told me he was going to stab himself in the chest if I left. At that point I didn’t care if he did. So I closed the door and drove away. It was almost too easy.

My parents welcomed me back with open arms after I had previously told them I never wanted to see them again when they were trying to save me from him.

They helped me move to Melbourne. As far away from him as I was ready for.

It was hard to begin with. But I started growing again. I was happy. I was happy to be on my own.

And then I met Beau. I never have believed in love at first sight but this was something special. On our first date, i could feel the pull towards him and on the second I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. And without saying it I know he feels the same. I asked him to come to Sydney with me to see a band on our second date and without even the slightest pause he agreed. It was the most amazing 2 days of my life. This is what it’s like to live and love. I have been missing out.

He is also a film photographer: http://flxbl.tumblr.com/

So the reason I am telling you all of this is because, by you asking me to write that piece I realised I was unhappy. Although it took a few more months to actually leave him, it was the beginning of me living again and falling totally and utterly in love for the first time.

Thank you,

Dominique

(used with permission from Dominique Franks http://dominiquefilm.tumblr.com/)